No sex!
by Mizzter R
Summary: "You wanna do it? Then, you go get some." Modern AU. A Dark Pit X Phosphora oneshot (with a slight Pit X Viridi).


_So, this was supposed to be a Pit/Viridi oneshot, but actually I thought it was better if the main characters were Dark Pit and Phosphora. This is rated T, you've been warned. Remember, I speak French so tell me if there are any mistakes._

 _I don't own Kid Icarus or its characters._

 _Enjoy._

* * *

 **No Sex!**

* * *

The weather was nice in town this morning. Birds were singing, the wind was soft, and it was neither too hot nor too cold, but just right. It was consequently perfect outside, so there were no reasons to not be in a good mood.

However, Dark Pit _fulminated._

Oh yes. Today, he was furious and didn't even try to hide it. Lying in his big bed, dressed in a simple black sweatsuit which fitted perfectly his long basketball player's legs, he was staring at the celling, trying to calm his nerves down.

"Pittoooooo! Can you get up now?" Phosphora's voice came from the next room.

"Hn," was his only answer.

He anticipated, more than he heard, the steps of his girlfriend heading for their bedroom. Judging from the exasperated sigh that he heard, he had gotten on her nerves. She appeared at the room's entrance then. Phosphora, raising her eyebrows, was staring at him, her hands on her perfect hips. Oh, if only he could put his hands on her curves and pressed his naked body against hers as he-

"What's your problem?" Phosphora interrupted him, annoyed. "It's ten o'clock, and you're _still_ in bed."

"What's _your_ problem?" the dark twin shot back at her. "You have no reasons to want that…"

"Be a man."

"In case you hadn't noticed, that's why I'm acting this way."

Phosphora slowly got closer to the bed, her bare-feet sinking into the soft carpet which covered the floor as she was walking towards him. Dark Pit glanced at the movement of her long legs, enjoying how the muscle of her shin moved delightfully according to her languidly walk. It was like she was tempting him, whereas she was simply dressed in a mini-short along with an undershirt which revealed her suntanned skin and her flat belly. Even if it amused him to imagine what was happening behind the piece of fabric, all he really wanted to do was to rip off her clothes, and not smoothly. He also tried to not think about having her attractive long legs wrapping around his hips – which she enjoyed doing during their passionate make-out sessions. Nevertheless, Dark Pit quickly focused on the present moment, because Phosphora had reached the bed.

"You wanna do it?" she whispered deliciously. "You go get some."

"Don't be ridiculous," he scoffed at her, shaking his head.

"Pittoo," she insisted as she was getting worked up, "If you want _me_ , you go get some."

He raised an interested eyebrow as his lips formed a smirk. Somehow, Phosphora didn't know how much she tempted him when she got mad like this. Her purple eyes sparkled with boredom, challenging him subconsciously to remove this expression off his face, as her fleshy mouth formed an exasperated pout.

Dark Pit, who was now 18 years old, lived with Phosphora in their own apartment. Despite the protests of his mother, he considered himself big enough to live on his own with his girlfriend. He was looking forward for seeing every sides of Phos (nickname he gave her after she called him 'Pittoo') just for himself – seeing the flirting Phosphora, along with the lazy one, up to the sensually one he had in his bed at night with him. Without forgetting the most important: Phosphora was his girlfriend, which meant worse than difficult at home; they were quarreling almost every day.

Yes, they were in love. Really, really, really in love. But also so different, that Dark Pit blamed himself to love someone that opposite.

There, for example. Because of her whims, he suffered the consequences! Women…

"Fine," he eventually grumbled after an inner struggle. "I'll go buy some."

"Really?"

"Yes, you idiot."

Phosphora, knowing that Dark Pit always insulted her when she won, didn't react to the insult. Instead, she gave him a smirk and kissed briefly, yet languidly his mouth – so that he had a little preview.

"Run along, babe. I'll be waiting for you," she whispered sensually into his ear.

Dark Pit grumbled something uncomprehended under his breath, then caught a grey T-shirt and a black pants, before heading toward the bathroom.

-.-.-.-

Because the weather was nice, everybody had gone out for a walk. Dark Pit, hands in the pockets of his jeans, walked slowly, taking as much time as possible to arrive at destination. He met some of his friends, such as Magnus, who was walking his dog, and Phyrron, trying to flirt with girls (without much success). But before reaching the pharmacy, he saw his brother and Viridi, lying on the grass. Well, Pit was lying.

Viridi, sitting on the grass, waved her hand when she saw him.

"Hey, how are you doing? And Phosphora?"

"Hn, I'm fine," he forced himself to answer. "And Phos… (his gaze gloomily) fine too, I suppose."

The blonde haired teenager, surprised that he talked about Phosphora like this, raised an eyebrow before smirking.

"What? Did you two get into an argument again?"

"No… it's nothing," he eventually mumbled by shaking his head, "Stupidities. And him?" he pointed at his brother, trying to change the subject. "Why is he sleeping?"

"Hm?" she broke into a fondly smile as she stared at her sleeping boyfriend.

"He fell asleep. He always does that when he's in the sun."

Dark Pit sighed with boredom, then went away without saying a word. Viridi was too busy playing with Pit's hair to notice it anyway.

The dark twin kept on walking until he entered in hell. I mean, in the pharmacy.

To make things worse, there was a crowd today. Damn! Why all these people needed to go TODAY and at that EXCACT moment to buy some medicines? Dark Pit hated when there was a lot of people. Well, aside Phosphora, he hated everything actually, but especially the crowds.

He eventually arrived at the cash register, after 15 minutes. It was a young woman who managed it. Middle aged, brown haired. Well, Dark Pit didn't pay much attention: no way to meet her gaze.

"Sir? How may I help you?"

"…"

"Yes?"

"I would like some…" he trailed off, feeling his face turning red.

"Is something wrong?" the cashier enquired.

 _Damn it, Phos will pay for this,_ he thought. Dark Pit had never been so humiliated in his life before!

"…some condoms," he eventually finished.

0o0Oo000o0Oo0O00

 _"No Pittoo, I won't have sex with you if you don't use a condom!"_

 _"A what?"_

 _"A condom. You've never heard about it? Geez, you're really…"_

 _"I know what it is, idiot, it's just that I don't see the point!"_

 _"The point is to not get pregnant, you cretin! I don't want any kids… for now at least. Anyway, that's not the issue. It's condom, otherwise no sex!"_

 _And with that, Dark Pit spent the rest of the night to mope._

* * *

 _I hope they weren't too much OOC. I didn't planned to write on this couple because, one, I prefer (way more) the Piridi, and two, I_ _ **REALLY HATE**_ _Dark Pit, so as a result, putting him with Phosphora is quite hard, but… oh well, I think they are nice together so, why not._

 _Have a good day._

 _~Mizzter R_


End file.
